Alayna Kenner

just an update on some feelingsss..

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 21:06:23 GMT

It may seem like i've forgotten about you.

but i think about you everyday

it may seem like i dont care about you anymore

but if you died right now, i'd die too

i'm sorry i havent made time

there just isnt any time left

these new people, they talk crap too. its normal.

and i dont care.

you talked crap as well, and i dont care. its normal.

everyday finding out new things about new people. meeting new people, finding out they are everything i thought they were or everything they really werent.

life is moving on, and i'm moving on.

i'm not regretting the time spent with you, it was fine while it lasted. and maybe it will happen again.

i cant make promises because i cant predict the future.

i'm trying, trying hard, but i'm not trying too hard, because its just not worth my time, and most of yall and them are not even worth it.

when i graduate it'll all just be looked back as a joke...seriously, one big laugh.

i'm not doing what the 'IN' crowd is doing, none the less am i supporting it or anything at all, i'm just letting it happen because i'm not their mom and i'm not going to tell them what to do. some of them accept me for who i am, and some of them are just plain 2 faced. once again i dont care, because i'm finding out who really cares. i'm doing what i want to do when i want to do it, whether its considered wierd, outgoing, not right, or just perfect. cool or uncool.

i've been rejected by the same person within the past month at the most 3 times. i'm not giving up, because i've learned good SOMETIMES great things come to those who wait, and i know this person is worth the wait. right now they arnt being themselves, and i'm trying to break them out of that shell. call me stupid, but thats just the nature of a girl here.

for the ones who are talkin crap and being fake to me. go ahead, continue being low and see if it bothers me. thats one thing i learned about this new change, people are going to talk crap, but never do anything about it. so why waste time worring about it. its just who they are, and they'll hopefully learn from it one day. i know who is real, and i stick to that.

overall, i go there everyday, strong, and unafraid. i'm doing it by myself, and doing what i love and what makes me happy most of all.

i've made my effort, now its your turn to make yours and prove me wrong that you wont.

i am happy.

so please dont worry about me, because i'm not worried about you.

this is old

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 20:48:00 GMT

1. Drank alcohol? with parents pretty much
2. Cried? yes
3. Kissed anyone? yeaaaa
4. Been on a vacation to a different state? north carolina.
6. Been to the beach? like only 4 times :[
7. Been to an island? nah
8. Done drugs? nope
9. Smoked? nope
10. Snuck out? kinda.
11. Had a sleepover? yes
12. Stayed up all night? yepp like 5 times
13. Slept in someone elses bed? yes
14. Went pee in a pool? ha yesh!
15. Went skinny dipping? nope
16. Been on the computer a lot? yeah.
17. Played video games? no
18. Listened to an ipod/mp3 player? yeeeess
19. Been on over 30 car rides? way more
20. Been grounded? nooooooooo
21. Been to a party? nope
22. Regret something? nope
23. Been dumped? sorta
24. Lied? yea
25. Done anything against the law? nope
]28. Been camping? yep
27. Got in a fight? yea
28. Got a new hair do? yep
29. Stayed at a hotel? yep
30. Talked on the phone all night? yea
31. Went shopping? yees!!!
34. Someone ask you out? not really
35. Got in a car with a stranger? nope.
36. Lost someone close? nope
37. Had someone sleep in your bed? yep
38. Been to a movie? a few!
39. Been to a club? club paris haha
40. Slept in? YESssssss
41. Got tanner? i'm black, how much more tan can you get!!?
42. Watched TV for more than 5 hours? yes
43. Tried something new? of course
44. Did homework? nope
45. Learned something new? all the time
46. Went surfing? oh yea
47. Went dancing? a few.
48. Been to a concert? a lot.
49. Quoted a movie? yeah lol
50. Played with fire? pyro!
51. Made new friends? a few :]

Who is the person/people you were with the most?
i WOULD say my sister, but she was actually out with caroline most of the time.

What is your favorite ice cream this summer?
cookies and cream

What is the best day?
fridays

What is your biggest regret so far this summer?
not holding on, letting go not thinking.

What is your favorite song this summer?
summertime by kenny chesney :]

What is your favorite movie this summer?
not suuure.

Are you looking forward to school starting?
i was, and now its okay. its becoming everything i expected though.

wow what a night

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 06:48:11 GMT

so i've been standin all day, because of work from 12-4
and then club paris at 7.
i got there freakng early,and didnt leave til it closed at 11:30.
basically all the boys from my school were there, and a few girls too.
i was getting so tired, so fast, it was embarrassing...
i dont know what happened, maybe i was dehydrated i dont know. it was horrible
but see thing was, i would dance with one of my boys, and then get tired and tell them i wanted to rest for a little. and then another one of my guy friends would ask to dance with me and i was so horrible because i was soooooo tired from the first dance.

but it was alot of fun, i think i got to know a few of the people i have met this year at OP a little better, so i'm pretty excited about that.

and i dont know if it was a mistake or not, but i brought my sister along tonight. and it was fun, she was cool about it all. but i get this jealousy thing, when i introduce my sister to my friends. cause i feel like they end up liking her more than me ahha . i know its just so stupid, but all my guy buds were asking about her tonight. hahaha damn. sucks.

but i mean it was fun, me and her are so freaking tired.
AND i'm going to the beach tomorrow.
well dang.

ha. well.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 11:48:18 GMT

its just so incredibly messed up when this girl wants to be your friend, because she hates alot of girls, and she seems interested in you.
i dont consider her a friend, since day one i havent, i'm just talking to her and stuff, i dont trust her and i know i cant, therefore i cant consider her a friend.

but when she starts trying to talk to the boy i've been talking to for the past few months, and completely trying to switch the story around on me, stuff comes between me and him, and then she turns around and was acting like she wasnt commiting the crime RIGHT there in my face.

for the past two days, she's been wondering why i havent answered her calls or text messages, and why i havent talked to her at school.

i think she FINALLY figured it out last night. thank god.
yesterday was just perfection.
it was a good day for me, because of him :]

so F*&*&)(k her. hahaha thats all i can say... she doesnt have what i have, and thats him.

Orange Park killed Forrest
it was something like 64 to 13.

daayyyuumm
lol

survey says.

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 21:36:34 GMT

1) Using band or artist names, spell out your name.

A-acceptance
L-Lost prophets
A-alanis morissette
Y-yeah yeah yeahs!
N-ne-yo
A-ace of base

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? from my knowledge, my friend scott is writing one KINDA about me and he is using my name. and that song by As They Suffer ahha it wasnt really about me, but it was named after me. oh the old days haha

3) What song makes you cry? alot of songs make me think. but that song Work by Jimmy Eat World use to make me cry for some reason

4) What song makes you happy? alot of songs.

5) HEIGHT: 5'9ish

6) HAIR COLOR: blonde?

7) EYE COLOR: blue

8) PIERCINGS: 8

7) TATTOOS: in a few more years...

8) WHAT YOU WEARING?: ae green striped shirt, aero' navy blue stripped tank, ae straight darkfade jeans

9) WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO:? Everything i'm not by The Veronicas

10) WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?:
i cant tell...hunger.

11) WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: dont care.

12) HOW ARE YOU?: confused, kinda.

13) GET MOTION SICKNESS? rarely

14)ANY BAD HABITS? nail biting!!!! ew.

15) GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: yep!

16) LIKE TO DRIVE?: yep

17) BOYFRIEND?: ha. noope.

18) GIRLFRIEND?: dont like many girls

19) CHILDREN?: i want twin boy and girl.

20) HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE? yeah, still am.

21) BEEN HURT?: yep

22) YOUR GREATEST REGRET? no regrets. my mistakes have made the person i am today, and i personally love that person

23)WHAT JAMS DOES YOUR CD PLAYER HAVE IN IT RIGHT NOW?: the warriors, young bloodz, avant, yung joc, panic!at the disco

24) IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? yellow.

25) WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? friends, music, and candy....just those 3.

26) WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: hopefully the newest warriors...Beyond the Noise, i have yet to get it :/

Seven things in your room:
music, tv, computer, pictures, clothes, school stuff, perfumes

Top seven things you say most:
holler, come get you some, get on, get it girl, nah nigguh, SIKE, its straight,

DO YOU:

Smoke?: naw

Do drugs?: never

Read the newspaper?: sports section usually

Pray?: 1 outta 10 times. i dont really pray much. cause i dont need anything, everything i have and want, i can get it on my own.

Have a Job: yeah, its gay but pays good

Attend Church: havent in so freaking long. i dont care much

HAVE YOU EVER...?:

Gone skinny dipping?: i wanna do it again haha

Had a medical emergency?: yes

Had surgery?: not a survere one but ya..

Swam in the dark?: yes

Been to a Bonfire?: i need to go to more!

Got Drunk?: twice in my whole life, my parents know . haha and i'm not in trouble. sweet.

Ran away from home?: tried to when i was little

Played strip poker?: kinda.

Gotten beaten up?: nah.

Been on stage?: yep

Slept outdoors?: love it

Pulled an all nighter?: haha quite a few times in my life, i hate sleep.

Been on radio/tv?: a few times actuallly :]

Been in a mosh-pit?: haha i keep away from the gay ass ones at big events, but at shows, i love watching them.

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yeah their pretty respectable and awesome.

Describe your first kiss?: hahaha he'll admit to it too, its so cute. and we're still friends. my friend Michael Clevinger, in 6th grade. we dated, and it was at his sister's house.

Wallet?: it matches my purse :]

IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...?

Cried: nha. i'm a hard nigguh! hahahah

Bought something: yep.

Gotten sick: i rarely get sic.

Sang: i was earlier

Been kissed: i wish...

Felt stupid: nope.

Talked to an ex: yeah.

Talked to someone you have a crush on: ha, i havent talked to him in almost 3 days :/

Missed someone: all the time

Hugged someone: yes

Had sex: VIRRGIN. :]

Been told you're beautiful: yes :]

Shoplifted: ......i havent since december, i dont do that anymore.

basketball or soccer???

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 21:13:23 GMT

if i would've known that the tryouts were so early in the year for volleyball i would've gotten ready and tried to go for that.

now throughout my whole life, i've only played on soccer and softball teams.

thats why i'm not doing softball again, and i dont want to do softball.

i was in the gym watching the girls play basketball, and it got me thinking.
they dont start their conditioning til late september, and just every monday, tuesday and thursday they go to the weight room. i'm all down for the weight room. but i just dont know what i want to do. because watching the girls play basketball today, made me wanna play too. but i've never played on a team before, its always just been a "mess around" kinda ordeal.

i didnt get a chance to talk to the coach about playing but she told me to come to her any other time.
so i'll think about it.
but i dunno i'm having second thoughts.
i'll give soccer a try all the way up to maybe tryouts and then we'll see.

back to school. 3rd week...?

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 21:35:54 GMT

yeah. i think.
anyway, today i had conditioning, and we usually run a full 10 minutes around the track without stopping. for the past 3 weeks of conditioning i ran the full 10 minutes ONE time.
what i didnt know, was that they bumped up that 10 to 12. and i surprisingly ran the full 12.
i didnt believe it.
but it was good, i didnt good. i was happy.
my abs are gonna be soooo fine before next summer.
and i'll be looking hot at homecoming :D

18

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 14:46:30 GMT

yeah i went to my friend Christian's house, his parents did a little surprise 18th b-day thing for him. and his family and neighbors were there. i went over with my parents and sister and celebrated. we ate at the house, and then out for icecream and then went in the hottub. and i just got home cause i spent the night there with my sister.
we watched the Pianist last night.
i feel bad for the kid, cause he just moved here a year ago, from living in california basically his whole life. and so takin him out and hanging out with him all night hopefully showed him a good time before he and i had to go to work this morning.

later this afternoon we are going to the gym.
i'm soooo tired out, i dont wanna work, and tomorrow is school.
BUT i went shopping this weekend :]

friday night i went to the ridgeview vs. Orange park game. of course we won :] this time 14-7

saturday i went shopping, because basically almost all my friends bailed on my ass and such. i didnt care, i've done it to some of them, and i'm glad i got to hang out with Lena after she got off work :]

i'm off

the past few days

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 23:13:00 GMT

we dont give a F%^&*k! haha
told ya we're twins ;]

on a light note, cause i want to put this out there, because i can. i know you're my best friend * and i appreciate the fact you are just looking out for me. but its like you're making me feel little on purpose, because now you're so mature. not trying to be rude or a bitch, i appreciate the help, but i'm not asking for it, and you should know by now that i know how to take care of things. so stop bossing me around, be a friend and not my mom. thank you.

but as far as the past few days...
they have been pretty crazy so i'd say.
friday was the football game, we killed Bishop Kenny 62 to 10 :]

and then i met a boy through my friend Kevin. his name is Ricky. 16 and goes to Middleberg.
we like each other alot and we are trying to get to know each other.

it was working for us until last night, it was like we, well HE was moving too fast. we promised each other that we arnt going to do anything for a month, and if we still like each other after a month and arnt fed up with each other or anything like that, then we'll make it offcial.

he turns 17 on the 1st of september. i think i'm gonna take him out to dinner.

but the best thing about him is, basically he is my TWIN. when it comes to morals, veiws on life, and interests we have SO MUCh in commen its crazy

thing is, i think i like my best friend as well. i'm not going to hurt anybody here, not on purpose and not intendingly....he has been there for me since day one of OPHS. and i'm so thankful for it. i dont want to screw things up with him and i'm scared i might be screwing up a chance to be with him, by trying to see if me and ricky are meant to be.
its life, and its too short to regret or give up an oppertunity. but if saying no keeps something from getting ruined then i'll say no. at least for now.

i'll pay ANYBODY $5 to kill my sister

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 00:36:46 GMT

she is bitching at me because you know that book.... A MILLION LITTLE PIECES.
i HATE reading, and she wanted me to read the first chapter of hte book and give it back because it was her friends and kelly wanted to read it.
well she is reading something else for school right now, and i got REALLY interested in the book and i read to page 22 in the last two days. and i wanted to borrow it for ONE MORE DAY (tomorrow) and she came in my room and threw a fit and took the book outta my book bag, tried to get my mom to tell me off but my mom was on my side, and then i got fed up i put my fist up to her and pushed her outta my room and she tried to slap me.

basically, i hate when she is so immature about shit.

day 3...didnt go?

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:01:14 GMT

yeah basically, i was up on the phone last night til freaking 1am. and i didnt go to bed til 1:10.
i was too tired and i had to wake up earlier today than i usually do because today i had to ride the bus.gay. it wasnt that bad.

but i was too tired, i felt a little sick, and i was still really sore.

but now i kinda regret not going, because all afternoon its been looking cloudy and no sun is out and its not really hot out.
so that suckkkkks. today woulda been a fine day to work out it seems.
but oh well, i dont need to be any more sore than i already am dang!

tomorrow is the raider's first game, i'm so excitd.
i'm going to the beach after school probley, and then back to school at night for the gameeeee

adhfajfkjadh

the break

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 22:12:57 GMT

okay, today i had my break. and tomorrow is another day of conditioning.
i'm sore, so SORE that when i woke up this morning, i couldnt feel a thing, it felt like i was broken from head to toe. and i had to roll outta bed slowly, and i fell on the ground and i started crying because i couldnt move at ALL it was soooo upsetting and pathetic basically hahaha.

my mom had to pick me up off the ground and give me ibprofin. damn

today was a good day at school, spanish was fun, and so was geometry.

this afternoon i hung out with mcneish, scotty, ricky, and tim.
we went to Lanopolera(spelling?) and then to the mall.
it was fun
i got some orange shirts, to support my school colors :] i have one orange shirt, and its old.
haha

i still cant decide if i wanna go to conditioning tomorrow. but well see what it comes down to.
i have no homework tonight, so i'm gonna watch Shindler's list

peace

PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNN day 2

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 22:30:26 GMT

ahhhh. okay so as if i wasnt in enough pain from yesterday as it is. but my 800mg Ibprofin wore off during school, so all my pain from being sore was coming back.

i didnt get to see CW at all today, until after school. i saw him at his locker, but i didnt get a chance to say hey or anything. i shouldve walked over there and talked to him, but i didnt wanna be late (which i had enoughhhhh time anyway) for conditioning.

so anyway, today i completed the 10 minute run around the track but i think thats only because we all wanted to run slow and kill time. hahaha

it was so hard, and i got over heated, dehydrated, and dizzy. i tried to work as much as i could, but i couldnt. i cried and teared up about 4 times.
it was just way too hot out there.

i think i pulled a muscle in my neck area during weightlifting. i'm alright cause my friend massaged me. but still, it hurts
and i got blisters all over my feet and i'm in so much pain.

this sucks.
and last day of the week for conditioning this week is thursday. i'm gonna be killlllllled.
but hopefully a day break will be okay.

who wants to hang out tomorrow after school i get out at 1:40.
and i'm down for anything i guess.!!!! even working out :]

i benced 45 today hahahahahahah
thursday if i'm not too tired i'll try and go for 60. hahaa
i'm so weak :/

Conditioning for Soccer.. DAY 1

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 01:40:38 GMT

well....i never relized i looked retarded when i run. thanks Scott :] i love you
hahhaha
and basically, i SUCK at running around a freaking track. i'm like dieing after BARELY 3 laps.
i cant do that. but my team, the girls, they are really motivatives and its awesome. together we are all so funny.

IS BURPING ALLOWED!? YESSS
IS PICKING YOUR WEDGGIE ALLOWED....I GUESS SO.
FARTING, THATS NOT ALLOWED GIRLS DONT FART!!!
LETS ALL BE MIA HAMN'S AND TAKE OUR SHIRTS OFF WHOOOO HOOO!!
jog, jog...JOGGGGG...JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG BITCH I SAID JOOOOOOOOOOOOG!! ahhahaha
its so much fun
and tomorrow i have it again from like 2-4
we run for any hour and do running drills. the running drills i can deal with, but the long distance running seriously KILLS me so bad.

and then from like 3-4 or whatever, we are in the weightlifting room, which is fun. my favorite part.

man we look gross, but we feel awesome.
i was yelling, WE ARE GONNA LOOK SOOOOO FINE, SO SEXY, SOOO FREAKING BUFF for HOMECOMING keep it up ladies! hahahhaha it was awesome.
i was like," AFTER THIS...I'LL BE LOOKING SEXYYY!!!!! WHO WANTS TO TAKE ME TO HOMECOMING" thats my motivation. getting in shape for homecoming. hahha

i hate running.

over him?

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 19:13:37 GMT

almost.
it sucks, you think you have made a bunch of new friends and reunited with them.
being the new kid can suck, we all know.
when you wanna be invited to hang out with others, but they run off and do their own thing.
at least i still have my true friends who wanna hang out tonight, and the rest are leaving me just because "they dont have enough room in their cars"

it may seem obsesive

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 18:46:37 GMT

when the guy you like, took you into his care on the first day in lunch because you were new at the school and he has been there for 3 years.
me and him sit together every day at lunch. since monday.
and two new girls came to our table. one has a boyfriend, the other i've heard only bad things about her. but i dont know her...dont care.
they were trying to over take my seat, however, his seat as well.
it may have seemed as if i was defending mine and his seats like they were our kids or something. and it may have seemed obsessive.
but think of it this way.
how would you feel, ladies, if i KNEW that you sit right next to the boy you like everyday at lunch since school has started, you arnt dating him, but you like him, and you wanna sit next to him.
how would you feel...would you go ahead and sit down anyway, even though i told you, that you cant sit there. of course you would.
cause you dont care about anybody's feelings but yours.

thats the most that happened today
the least...my ride, couldnt take me.
so i had to hunt down my bus at the last second. that sucked.

tomorrow is friday.
i'm so excited
i got my schedule change, now i just need to get my new schedule and make it confirmed on who my new english teacher might be and such.
i'm going to the Sun's game tomorrow, with 'him' and a few of our friends.
it should be awesome..

i dont "sweat" him. i just clearly thinks he is the best, not perfect, but the best. compared to most. and if he doesnt want me right now, fine. i cant force him to like me, i'll just take it slow and have fun, and wait.

2nd day of school

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 22:37:10 GMT

EVEN BETTER
are you kidding me, it was a blast.
i met 4 new people.
3 boys and a girl.
i honestly, dont know if i'm gonna make maybe girl friends, they just dont seem my type. i dont know, we'll see.
i asked my 1stperiod history teacher Deaton, if she could put me in her 3rd period class and she asked if i talked to the guidence counsulor and basically i told her straight up, that they were giving me a hard time when i tired to talk to them and such. and she was like, alright girl just put your schedule change sheet and write me a little note. put it on my desk and i'll handle it !
so maybe my schedule might get changed. yay exciting :]
tomorrow me and britt jones, are staying after school to go to the Soccer Meeting, to get all the info.
i'm pretty excited, because i've never gone to a school with sports. so maybe i'll get to play for OP! it'd be awesome.
and Megan IMed me today, telling me that i made it in to ACTING B. pretty shocking if you ask me. i didnt think i was gonna get there.
its cool i did, i mean gave me more confidence, and i actually have a chance of going back. but i'm not going too.
i'm way happy at OP and i wanna stay...FOR GOOD!

first day at OPHS

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:29:30 GMT

I Cried.
AHAHAH
i was so stressed out
first the dumb guidance dude, gave me the wrong homeroom.
and i found out today around 5th period i had gone to the wrong home room that morning :[
so after school i found the right one, and talked to her.
he gave me the wrong Mrs. Miller
all my classes SUUUUUCK. i dont know anybody in them, and i honestly dont know if i want to try and get to know anybody in them.
the only great period is 5th.
i have it with Gabe and Zach and its geometry. the teacher is chiillled back.
and then i ate lunch with them, Bell, Nick, and a few other people.
i have B lunch.
but i really wanna get my schedule change.
my english teacer is new...mr. Schuler....so quite and boring, once again i dont know anybody in that class.
i was really upset and stressed out today.
i know it will get better but still...it sucked.
i want a different english teacher, and i want American History for 3rd period.
and i want ms. Butler for biology.
mr. novelly for biology, dont get me wrong. he seems cool, but i know a few people in mrs. butler's 6th period class. so hopefully i'm gonna try later on to switch to her.
i just want tomorrow to come already.

AHHH WEDDING WEEKEND

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 16:48:31 GMT

basically i'm a wedding crasher.
boom boom with the grooms men haahhahh jk
illegal ;]

2 am on wedding day, michael (Groom) took the little cousins to Wafflehouse!

old growing up friends. they basically dipered up. Steve and Joe Cannon
caroline?
STEVE-O
URSULA<3
my cousin Devon and Me.
my cousin Devon, my sister, my mom and I.
the ring boy and I. nephew<3
Michael and Heather
garter(sp?)
Princess caught it, and her boyfriend Tate caught the garter
me and my brother dancing

woohoo.

drunk brother

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 08:56:49 GMT

so basically, i was going to go to the spill canvas and Mae show tonight, i had a ride and money and everything.
its just i found out it was 15, and i changed my mind, but i heard it was sooo worth the money!.
oh well i stayed home with my family, had a big family dinner here and such.
my cousin evan,and my sister decided to stay up and wait for my brother joe who is here for the wedding and is here from orlando, we wanted to wait for him to get home at like 3am.
well he did! and tonight was the bachelor party they all went to club paris in some fannnnncyyy limo haha.
we were up til 4 am making grill cheese sandwhichs and just being so crazy.
i love it when he comes home drunk :D
last time he came home drunk, i was up getting ice cream adn he came in the kitchen and was beggin for a PB &J SANDWHICH, and when i made him one, he started dancing around the kitchen singing PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! haha

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but the rest of the day, i beleive i'm going shopping at the towncenter with my cousins. and then there is gonna be 50+ people at my house tonght. for the rehersal dinner! wow thats alot, and i'm SO excited.
my family is huge, we love it that way.
<3

love

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 04:33:24 GMT

we met that first day of school.
you were in my 1st period class.
we looked at the teacher and go, "wow she's fat" and looks back at each other and laughed.
when you took my hand and told me your named, it felt like my heart was a racing horse who just won the race.
the feeling i got when i looked into your eyes that first time, is still the same feeling when i would wake up to lookin at those eyes every morning.
you were my everything all the way up through highschool. and you still are today.
my parents didnt approve of you and you knew that.
but you didnt care, you said you'd love me no matter what anybody thinks or says.
you were my boyfriend, my husband, my best friend.
a year later, a beautiful boy came into my life.
i named him after you, and i know you still look at him from up above. and i know you say to yourself "he looks like his daddy, but he is just as beautiful as his mother"
i miss you.
and you died, 4 months before i had him.
i know he would love to meet you.
and i will meet with you again one day.

night well spent

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 05:37:39 GMT

baby sat all day again.
basically i'm getting paid $50 a day to hang out with these two little boys and tan, swim, eat, and watch movies .
pretty awesome.
i'm babysittin thursday(today) all by my self so i get the full 50 instead of having to split with my sister.
thursday(tonight) family is coming in town.
because friday is the rehersal dinner for my brother's wedding that is on saturday
and tonight, is the bachelor party. all the guys are going to club paris and getting this pimped out limo to take them there.
they'll have fun!
i'm so excited for the wedding aahhhhh
tonight about 10:30 i went over Tony's house. and hung out with tony, pat mcclean and tyler.
it was fun.
we swam, ate cheetos :D and watched a little bit of a movie.
but i got another long day ahead of me
with all this money i'm making from babysittin.
i'm going shopping.
ha!!!!

bury your dead/remembering never

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 06:42:56 GMT

i babysat again today.
and i got my schedule change, i dont wanna be a complainer but i couldnt get the teachers i really wanted.
and i made $75 in two days.
tomorrow i'm makin another $25.
yay!!!
so basically. tonight was bury your dead and remembering never
it was fun, and i got to see alot of my friends before i started school with a whole different crowd. oivey.
but anyway, i'm watching a movie now with my sister.
i got my schedule changed here it goes.

American History Deaton
Sociology Walsh
English2 Schuler
Spanish1 Hines
Geometry Hardenberg
Biology Novelli

just a little stressed

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 21:42:05 GMT

so that boy i was talkin about...
i made it (for me at least) slightly awkward, the last time me and him hung out.
and we are talkin again, but it only seems like we are friends.
i know what i'm doing here...i'm going out looking for a boy, instead of him just coming to me.
uugh pathetic.
i want a boyfriend but i'm gonna be picky about it.
as far as my schedule for next year goes, i'm a little tweeked.

i cant decided if i wanna take any honors classes next year.
9th grade i was basically all standard. i've always been standard cause i'm a slacker 50% of the time in school.
if i could choose to take an honors class next year it would be either biology honors or world history honors.
my schedule i have now says i'm being put in world history, which is stupid, i took that last year and passed the class.
if anything i wanna take WH honors next year OR american history.

and my dad (the negative one in the family) doesnt want me takin biology honors, he doesnt think i'll be able to keep up. well thanks for the motivation? i know he is lookin out for me, new school, new friends, new activities i dont know how i'm gonna stay focused so maybe not takin honors classes next year will be a good idea. i gotta get use to the new school this year, and then maybe consider honors for 11th grade.

i'm honestly not too worried about getting classes with the people i already know. because yes friends at school is a MAJOR plus. but i reallly need to buckle down and do good this year, especially with my dad on my ass about getting a car in december.!

so i asked for american history instead of world history. today they passed out schedules all day to all the 10th 11th and 12th graders.
i have to go back tomorrow so that i can talk to my guidence counsular about class switching.

but what stresses me out the most is, teachers. you cant always get what you want. and you arnt always gonna get along with every teacher.
so what i wanna try and do is, take the classes i feel comfurtable with...with the teachers that have been recommended to me by other students.
and from what the guidence counsular told me today, she said "well its all depending on wether or not they have room in their classes for you". so thats understandable.
but i really hope i can pick out who i want!.

i'm done stressing, i just wanna get tomorrow over with.
and remembering never + bury your dead is tomorrow night DAMN!
wednesday hanging out with lena, and thursday babysitting again.
friday wedding dinner rehersal and saturday night my brothers wedding!
i'm so stoked<3

ATTENTION FRIENDS

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 15:59:27 GMT

love my friends.
simply.
drop dead serious, i'm all about me 90% of the time.
cause i'm living my life here, and doing what is best for me, what makes me happy, and what i know is right, in my life i put myself before anything else it seems like most the time, cause i'm selfish, and its not always a generous world out there. its dog eat dog, stand your own ground and stick up for your self like a true warrior.
but hands down, i'd rather see my friends happy and do anything i can to make them happy before even worrying about wether i'm set or not.

hands down serious.
its true, cause i drop it all just so i can cheer a friend up.
just as long as they are doing whats right, and keeping it healthy, i'm there for them.

the people who have been with me since i was little, know what i'm talkin about.
i've learned to respect them, myself and life its self in general ALOT.

and the people i've recently met lets say with in the past year. alot of yall are people who have helped me get on through the days and relize that life is a game, and i'm not going to gamble with mine.

i learn every single day, if not on my own, then most likely because of a friend. we all feed off each other.

i love my friends, and its almost as if, if i didnt have you guys, well there pretty much wouldnt be this smile on my face every single day!

thank you
<3